Been having a bit of a rough week. Maybe it’s the stories out of Florida, the lives ended so tragically and senselessly. Or maybe it’s feeling like it’s two steps forward and 10 steps back when it comes to the treatment women receive at the hands of the Just Us system. Mainly though, it’s been feeling even more depressed and lonely these days.
Can’t really put a major finger on why. Part of it might have to do with the fact that June 21 would have been (should have been) Mr. Scribe’s 65th birthday. 65 always has felt like a major milestone in life; back in January of 2020 I thought I’d be spending the first 6 months of this year helping him maneuver the Medicare system, possibly discussing whether to go ahead and start taking Social Security even at only about 80% of total benefits (full 100% wouldn’t be until 67 years and 4 months). I had started watching the Medicare ads on TV carefully, thinking about sending for the information towards the end of the year. May 3, 2020 changed all that...the night he went to the grocery store and never came home, dead of a heart attack.
Nights are the worst time of day for me — during the day, we do have activities and there are people around. Once 8pm or thereabout hits, things get really quiet; I spend the time alone in my apartment and pretty much in my own head, a perilous spot. I’m reminded of my state when I have to get my own bottle of water for my bedside and check the door to make sure it’s locked...both tasks that Mr. Scribe performed every evening like clockwork throughout our marriage.
I know this too will pass...I’ll adjust and move forward. But right now it still hurts, even 14 months after he left me.
Hope things are going a bit better by you folks...then again, you’ve got your own issues or you wouldn’t be here. As Spider Robinson writes in Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon:
Just as there are Laws of Conservation of Matter and Energy, so there are in fact Laws of Conservation of Pain and Joy. Neither can ever be created or destroyed.
But one can be converted into the other.
Let’s try some conversions tonight...WYFP?